welcome2myworld

I really shouldn’t be shocked because no one reads my blog but Today.com has downgraded me to only earning $2.00 for every 1000 views on both of my blogs. Since no one really views my blog I shouldn’t be surprised, I mean how can they make money advertising? It just pisses me off because as little as $1.00 per post might sound if I posted everyday on both my blogs, which I usually didn’t do I usually only ended up posting here, I’d make $2.00 a day. I always at least made $1.00 a day and that little bit helped me out since I am unemployed. So since I won’t be making as much money I probably won’t be blogging as much. Oh here’s an idea every week I’ll google “most searched phrases” and write a blog about it. That way maybe if people search for something they’ll find me. Oh well TTFN.  

So my bff and I are babysitting again tonight only to have to get up at 5:30 and be back here at 6 tomorrow. The thing that really pisses me off is she (the wife) said her husband would probably be home by 9 but definitely no later than 10 and guess what it is after both those times and he’s still not here. It annoys us even more because since he is late he will probably have a problem getting up in the morning. At least she gave us her keys so we don’t have to stand in the hallway freezing and ringing the bell for a half hour. Oh well TTFN.

She doesn’t realize that with my babysitting I am home more often than I would be if I had a regular job. If I had say a 9 to 5 job I’d save as much money as I could to get the hell out of my mother’s house. I can’t wait till I actually get a job where I can save up to get my own apartment. For now I will just ignore her like I always do. One day though I’m going to end up just packing up all my cloths and leave. I’d have my options of where to go my bff’s mom would defiantly let me stay with them I do most of the time anyway. The only problem would be where I’d put all my stuff their house is already full as it is they don’t have room for their own stuff. Well I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, for now I’ll just grin and bear my mother’s shit.

Naturally because I am over my bff’s house a lot I do things with her family a lot, and my mother is so jealous of that. I went to the movies, twice in about a week and a half, with my bff and her mother and told my mother about the movies. I should have known that would be a mistake because of course my mother bitched about it. “I am your mother not her,” she said. “When do you ever go to the movies, or plays with me?” Every time she does these things I want to scream at the top of my lungs “MAYBE IF YOU WERE NICER TO ME I MIGHT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU! MAYBE THEN I MIGHT ACTUALLY COME HOME MORE THEN ONCE A WEEK!”

Another thing that she argues with me is about how I am never home. It leaves me wondering what is so hard to understand about the fact that I don’t want to come home. Hasn’t she realized that by now? I don’t want to come home because every time I do she argues with me. My bff’s mother has been nicer to me then she has. My bff’s mother never takes my sister’s side over things because she knows my sister is a bitch. When my sister was pregnant with her twins, we had a fight and she threw a sippy cup at me. What did my mother say about that situation you might ask? She said that my sister was stressed and I should apologize to her. I should apologize to her?! I was the one who was assaulted.

Let me begin by stating some of the facts:

-My only income is babysitting, which I do with my bff.

-My bff does not live in my neighborhood so when we have to babysit either late at night or early the next day I stay at her house.

-Every time I do go home my mother is not very nice to me. (This is the one you need to know for this series of posts.)

Now that you know all of the facts I can explain. It seems like every time I go home my mother picks a fight with me. Lately is has been about my carrer she thinks I should get a job with the Norwood News, a local weekly newspaper, but I don’t want to because I want to do broadcast journalism. There will be more to come tomorrow.   

Judging by the symptoms on Web Md I am pretty sure I have Strep. I figured I was around my sick nephew on New Year’s Day so surely if I had it I would have gotten sick earlier but apparently symptoms can take between 2 and 5 days to show up, lucky me. I got it right on day three. At least my Aunt is a nurse I’m going to call her and see if she get a Strep test from work and check me out. If I have it she’ll get me meds for it too. Apparently without treatment the infection will go away within 3 to 7 days, however if you don’t go on antibiotics you can be contagious for up to 3 weeks even after your symptoms go away. I don’t want to infect people around me, especially since I babysit a lot so I’d rather go on meds for it, at least that way after 24 hours I am no longer contagious.

I am so mad because I think I am getting sick, as you might have figured out from the title of my post, lol. What makes me really mad is that all day I was feeling fine and then after dinner my throat started hurting a lot. I just took a bath and actually felt a little better so at least that helped a bit. Another thing that pissed me off was the fact that after I got out of the tub my shoulders started hurting. Usually I take a bath to ease tension in my muscles but apparently this time that didn’t work, the only thing I can think of was laying down in the tub hurt my shoulders. I am just falling apart. Well now it’s time to go take some vitamins to try and make this illness, whatever it may be, fade away fast. Oh, another great thing about being sick is that fact that I have no insurance. Anyway, TTFN.

Okay so here is what happened, my mom got me a very nice hoodie from Aeropostale. It was black and fur lined (although I think it was probably fake fur) and very nice. The only problem was that it was a large and I need extra large. So I went to return it yesterday and waited on the line for like a half hour to finally return it. They said that the return will be for the price it is now which was $30. It was originally $100 and my mom got it on sale fo $50 so she was complaining that I wasted her money and she lost $20 because she had the reciept, so I could have gotten the full refund. So she started yelling and cursing at me and the spirit of Christmas was no more, but I guess I should have figured it wouldn’t last any longer then just Christmas day. So TTFN!

I wonder how it is that someone can feel so sorry for someone and yet so angry at them in the same moment. As I mentioned last night was the memorial for my bff’s Aunt and obviously her son, my ex was there. He was busy with his new gf and we didn’t get a chance to talk. My bff was talking to him and I walked over to tell him I was sorry. Said bff asked her cousin how his kids were doing and he responded “I wouldn’t know it’s easier not to talk to them.”

I understand that his psycho ex wife makes it very, very hard for him but if he would grow a pair and stand up to her it would make a difference. It is bad enough that they are all the way in FL and he can’t see them because he can’t afford to visit them but legally she is supposed to let him talk to them. So I was so angry with him that when the minister started talking about his mom I broke down crying.

In that moment I felt several feelings all at once. I felt so sad for him and the rest of the family that their mother, wife, sister, aunt, and cousin had died. I felt so angry with him that he was turning into an asshole that didn’t care about his kids just like my father. I felt mad at myself for caring and letting it get to me. I wondered why I cared, why did I let it bother me? I felt like maybe I still had feelings for him. I was angry because I loved him I really did! It was hard for me to let myself fall in love, and what did it get me? He ruined it; he destroyed what we had with his lies. I could have been there for him. I could have been with him while his mother was dying, held him while he cried, listen to him.

Imagining what could have been ate me up inside. However, my bff made me realize that I was better off, watching him give up his kids would have destroyed me. Realizing that I was with someone just like my father who I disgust would have made me so angry with myself. In the end my bff helped me through it like she always does. I know I lean on her more then I probably should but she is more than just my friend, she is like a sister. In fact I am a hell of a lot closer to her then I am my sister. So anyway, I know this post is a lot longer then I usually write but I just needed to vent.